I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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