The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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