anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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