Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
