I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
