that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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