woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im part way to drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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