his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
