Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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