i permit you to call me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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