remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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