when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
