I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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