she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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