We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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