Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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