Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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