OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
