I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
