Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
