Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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