drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The best revenge is premature balding
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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