so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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