I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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