is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
