Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
