At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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