Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
