Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
