I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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