Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
