he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
