I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
