My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
