it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
