Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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