I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
