when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
