He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
