I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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