I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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