So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this just has baby written all over it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My dick has a subreddit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
