not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
