Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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