So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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