Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im six kinds of drunk right now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
