Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My balls are so social today.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
