Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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