Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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