The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize