Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
