Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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