Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
