my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
