She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
