they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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