Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
