what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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