tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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