Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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