Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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