I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
