Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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