it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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