Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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