great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
