i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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