just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
